I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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