Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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