susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
