i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize