I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize