Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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