Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
