when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize