so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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