i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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