Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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