The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
