So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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