theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i think my cat just said my name.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
