Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
