I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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