and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
