Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
