so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
