He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize