The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
