super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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