Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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