If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So here I am, sexting at work.
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