He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
