Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
