I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
