I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
