I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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