The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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