I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
