im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
