Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize