He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
