I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
