You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
