He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
