i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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