Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
