I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
