watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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