i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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