I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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