Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
