I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm really busy with my period
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