Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry about my life...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
