I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
