thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
