hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
