Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
