Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
