ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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