can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
