He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
