Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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