I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
