By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
