and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
