i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize