You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize