you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
