I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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