fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
did you just send me my own nude
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
