im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
